This is my life.

Speaking of surprises in life. There are a few things I never thought I could do:

1. Rock climbing.

When I started working with an outdoor education organization, I was just in it for the camping, hiking, and kayaking. those people who climb were cool and hard core. I could never... But I loved the people who loved it. So I tried it. And I won't lie, it was terrifying at first. It's all about trust, and I have some issues in that area. Trust in your belayer, trust in the equipment, trust in your body, trust that observers wouldn't ridicule, etc. But I loved the people who loved it, so I tried it. And despite the difficulties, there was a moment on the first day when I was frustrated and sure I was stuck, but I said "what the hell" and put all my weight on a foot I was sure wouldn't hold me. But it held and I pulled myself up over the face of the rock. It was that moment that I felt my old athletic and strong self that had retreated into deep corners of my rebellious post-adolescent self-destructive self. And the impossible happened, I leapt but didn't fall. So I climb, even if not very well. To be in touch with my strength and my possibility. Me vs. gravity.

2. Triathlons.

I've always had a feeling of awe when I hear "oh, s/he does triathlons." THOSE people are really remarkable. I swam competitively for years (but was never top tier) and I am an avid cyclist, but the one year I did cross country in high school I was THE slowest runner. And I'm not really that into public humiliation. What if I couldn't do it? It wasn't worth the risk to find out. But a friend did one. So I asked a lot of questions and the wheels started turning. Maybe I could be one of those people... The keys were starting VERY slowly and finding the right gear - shorts/pants that don't ride up and a uniboob-proof jog bra. Seriously. I wasn't all that big - size 12/14 when I started, but I had a really hard time finding gear that worked and didn't make me look ridiculous, and that helped me hold back for a long time. Do you hear that, clothing industry? (Thank god for Title Nine, but even they are skewed towards the flat and skinny.) The amazing thing about competing in these races (in addition to my new size 8/10 body) is the connection I feel to my body. I can listen to my muscles and know when to push and when to back off. A lot of the time it is frustrating and hard, but more often than not I am pleasantly surprised. And it always feel worth it in the end.

Big secret: most people could do it if they wanted to. Our bodies are capable and willing to be molded. But don't tell. Part of me likes it when people are impressed.