This evening I was in the checkout line at Trader Joe's, trying to decide if I should make friendly conversation with the checkout guy or just remain aloof since I was tired and disappointed that we lost our volleyball game... when a voice asked if I had tried the green tea mochi ice cream (a box of chocolate mochi ice cream was on the top of my grocery pile). I looked up to see a tall guy with square glasses, and I pointed out the two boxes of green tea hidden beneath the chocolate. I told the (hopefully semi-charming) story about my anti-corporate aunt in NYC who disapproves of Trader Joe's but tried those particular tasty treats when she was visiting me and now drives to New Jersey to buy them herself. Mid-story, I realized how cute he was, saw how much he was smiling, noticed his bare left hand, and decided that there was a good chance he wasn't just being friendly merely for the love of groceries.
My brilliant response? Get completely self-conscious and clam up. Why?! I thought my seasoned dating self had learned how to do this. Keep the conversation going. Ask a question or two. See where it goes. If something is there, an interest or place that could be an excuse for second meeting will usually come up. Or just ask them out. Risk a little! But in this moment the checker and the people in line are watching, I am momentarily paralyzed by the fear of actually getting something I want... and I'm pretty sure I'm turning bright red. So I said goodbye (at least I managed that much) and walked out.
Spotting him walk down the street as I drove away, I was half filled with the excitement of an attraction-charged encounter and half infuriated with my own stupidity. I circled around, fully prepared to roll down the window and ask if we had indeed been flirting, but alas, he was gone.
In an attempt to reclaim some power over my cowardice, I posted a Craigslist missed connection. Just in case. (It's a strange forum I can't quite figure out. But a couple on Oprah met on an airplane and didn't exchange info, but then reconnected via Craigslist. Then he proposed there, as well. So it could work, right?!) Apparently, I am much better at being vulnerable behind the safety of a computer.
Just when I think I could be ready to fall in love again, the evidence shows me running away at the slightest hint of possibility. Perhaps something(s) else must unfold inside me first. If only I had a clue what it was.
Completely tangentially: Oprah's Craigslist couple? Stark contrast to the cute California preppy/surfer guy (I thought) who I met on a plane back from Florida last year who I did exchange info with - who later emailed me interested in my medieval sword fighting reenactment experience?! Not that I'm against all that; I'm just not into it. And I'm not so into guys who I'm not memorable for. Maybe it's OK if some connections stay missed.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment