You should be very proud of me. My librarian friend's nephew was laying it on thick at her birthday party (i.e. When was I going to let him take me out to dinner? Wasn't I going to stick around for the rest of the evening?). He was plenty cute, ridiculously funny, and the chemistry was definitely ON. But I happen to have enough insider information from hours on the ski lift with his aunt to know that he's definitely not what I'm looking for. At least not right now, if ever. Yet I felt this irrational pull to abandon principle and responsibility by staying and indulging.
Somehow I managed to drag myself away, though a lot more reluctantly than I'd like to admit. Luckily, I had help from a friend who saw exactly what was going on and reminded me to "aim higher".
A little electricity and I'm ready to dive head-first straight into bad decisions? I've been down that very road more than a few times now, and there's no way I don't get caught up and/or end up with an awkward related-to-a-beloved-coworker hangover. But bad decisions can sometimes be so cleverly disguised... as our Middle School director reminds us, "The trouble with trouble is it starts out as fun."
But the Nephew knows where to find me if he really wants to. C'mon, there are certainly worse ways to pass the time... right?! I still remember fondly the fabulous bad decision who I called "Capital T." to his face (you know, the "T that rhymes with P that stands for pool.") And that turned out fine. After I recovered from the day I couldn't stop crying...
Showing posts with label vices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vices. Show all posts
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, February 1, 2009
25 Things
There's a chain-letter like activity spreading like crazy through Facebook called "25 Random Things About Me". When someone sends it to you, you write a list of 25 random facts, habits, or goals about yourself. Then you send it to 25 friends, including the person who sent it you. It's a big online "get to know you" game.
Unlike many other viral fads, most people are actually doing it. Something about the format and the popularity make it worth the effort. I think we want to share ourselves. And there is beauty in the mundane details. Every list I've read has something delightfully surprising about the person and something that makes me feel a little less alone in my "hidden" foibles and neuroses. Here's my 25:
1. My greatest fear is going crazy/losing my mind/losing touch with reality. I honestly worry about it happening to me. And then I panic that I might really make it happen by worrying about it too much...
2. I’ve kept a list of favorite kids’ names since I was 12 (even through my phase when I wasn't sure I wanted kids), but I've started using them on pets (and cars) just in case I never get to use them on kids.
3. I am at my most content on the way back down a mountain with a happy dog at my side.
4. I have always wanted to be a foster parent.
5. I don’t think I like my cats (Oliver and Violet) as much as I should. I take their rejection personally.
6. I take everything personally. Or at least I used to.
7. I hate talking on the phone; I rarely answer it and often don’t call people back (please don't take it personally!).
8. I love Facebook because I can communicate with lots of wonderful people without the pressure of having to actually talk to them. And I love blogging because I can pour my heart out without the immediate risk of judgment or rejection. Yes, I hide behind technology. But I used to just hide, so I see this as major progress.
9. I really enjoy picking my nose.
10. I’ve watched General Hospital on and off for about 15 years, at times taping it daily.
11. I love to sing Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now” to my cabins/tents of kids at lights out, but I’m always terrified when I start it. Then they always love it (or at least don’t complain) which gives me faith in sharing your heart.
12. My favorite movie is easily Dirty Dancing. But one of my other favorites, the Philadelphia Story, is the one I usually claim in public.
13. I think there’s nothing in the world like someone sticking up for you.
14. I am often simultaneously confident that I know everything and convinced that I am completely wrong about everything.
15. I usually cry whenever I see someone else tear up. But I often have trouble crying when I am upset.
16. I'll drink champagne for any reason from celebration to misery.
17. My glory days seem to have been breaking summer swim league records as an 8 & under and starring in my middle school musicals. Oh, and winning Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie tickets in a hula-hoop contest at a St. Bridget’s dance in 6th grade - that was rad.
18. What I want to “do” with my life changes weekly, sometimes daily. Currently rotating between school counselor (again), art teacher, and interior designer. Or dream job: children's book author/illustrator.
19. I am very grateful that I love my current job so I have some time to maybe figure out what's next.
20. I wish people would ask me more questions, especially about the challenging things in my past.
21. I’ve been in love 3 times. And still love each of them.
22. I’ve never broken a bone or had a cavity (yet).
23. I’ve always wanted glasses for their fun fashion accessory potential.
24. I am afraid of the dark, and I have to sleep with a light on in the hall.
25. I am a often paralyzed by perfectionism (and typed this list in Word first).
Go ahead, make your own list... everyone is doing it!
Unlike many other viral fads, most people are actually doing it. Something about the format and the popularity make it worth the effort. I think we want to share ourselves. And there is beauty in the mundane details. Every list I've read has something delightfully surprising about the person and something that makes me feel a little less alone in my "hidden" foibles and neuroses. Here's my 25:
1. My greatest fear is going crazy/losing my mind/losing touch with reality. I honestly worry about it happening to me. And then I panic that I might really make it happen by worrying about it too much...
2. I’ve kept a list of favorite kids’ names since I was 12 (even through my phase when I wasn't sure I wanted kids), but I've started using them on pets (and cars) just in case I never get to use them on kids.
3. I am at my most content on the way back down a mountain with a happy dog at my side.
4. I have always wanted to be a foster parent.
5. I don’t think I like my cats (Oliver and Violet) as much as I should. I take their rejection personally.
6. I take everything personally. Or at least I used to.
7. I hate talking on the phone; I rarely answer it and often don’t call people back (please don't take it personally!).
8. I love Facebook because I can communicate with lots of wonderful people without the pressure of having to actually talk to them. And I love blogging because I can pour my heart out without the immediate risk of judgment or rejection. Yes, I hide behind technology. But I used to just hide, so I see this as major progress.
9. I really enjoy picking my nose.
10. I’ve watched General Hospital on and off for about 15 years, at times taping it daily.
11. I love to sing Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now” to my cabins/tents of kids at lights out, but I’m always terrified when I start it. Then they always love it (or at least don’t complain) which gives me faith in sharing your heart.
12. My favorite movie is easily Dirty Dancing. But one of my other favorites, the Philadelphia Story, is the one I usually claim in public.
13. I think there’s nothing in the world like someone sticking up for you.
14. I am often simultaneously confident that I know everything and convinced that I am completely wrong about everything.
15. I usually cry whenever I see someone else tear up. But I often have trouble crying when I am upset.
16. I'll drink champagne for any reason from celebration to misery.
17. My glory days seem to have been breaking summer swim league records as an 8 & under and starring in my middle school musicals. Oh, and winning Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie tickets in a hula-hoop contest at a St. Bridget’s dance in 6th grade - that was rad.
18. What I want to “do” with my life changes weekly, sometimes daily. Currently rotating between school counselor (again), art teacher, and interior designer. Or dream job: children's book author/illustrator.
19. I am very grateful that I love my current job so I have some time to maybe figure out what's next.
20. I wish people would ask me more questions, especially about the challenging things in my past.
21. I’ve been in love 3 times. And still love each of them.
22. I’ve never broken a bone or had a cavity (yet).
23. I’ve always wanted glasses for their fun fashion accessory potential.
24. I am afraid of the dark, and I have to sleep with a light on in the hall.
25. I am a often paralyzed by perfectionism (and typed this list in Word first).
Go ahead, make your own list... everyone is doing it!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Facebook Nation
My newest passion. Virtual social interaction. Now I can be alone, but never alone. (I have 130 friends, tyvm.) There's always something happening with someone on there. Or games to play. Or quizes to take. (Who has a crush on me?) I'm all about social contact from behind the safety of my computer. (Seriously, though. I may be addicted. I think not being able to wait for you browser to refresh your live feed is a warning sign.)
It's a whole new twist on human intimacy. You can share everyday tidbits with a hundred of your closest friends, near and far. People make announcements of big life events, travel, sharing photos of thier kids, relationships... In fact, it seems to have created a whole new ritual around defining relationship. You know a relationship isn't official until your your status says so, and you know it is REALLY over when you change back to "single". (Unfortunately, one of my recent brief relationships never seemed to recover after I tried to show my growing affection by playfully suggesting I change my status to "in a relationship" - apparently he wasn't ready for that kind of virtual commitment!)
My younger "friends" are fun to watch. So much of their daily life is logged... music, plans, friends, health, hilarious videos of nothing and everything. Although some of them really have 500 friends?! Lately, even my 130 seems like a lot to manage, and I'm wondering how awful of a Facebook faux pas it would be to "un-friend" a few people I don't know that well, who I don't need to hear about ALL the time.
Is this really the future of social interaction? Short, sweet, no need for get-to-know-you small talk or conversation filler niceties. It's easy to just make a funny comment about someone's "status" and leave the communication at that. And I feel happy and connected. (Am I shallow?!) For someone who lost touch with a lot of people because I had such a hard time initiating contact with friends when I was depressed, this is a wonderful way to reach out.
But what happens when this is a primary form of communication for kids who then don't have as much of a chance to develop face-to-face social skills with their peers? Texting, email, myspace, etc. does not communicate tone - no matter how many emoticons you squeeze in. (:-P) To say nothing of facial expression, body language, energy, the vulnerable experience of saying how you feel with someone right in front of you - things that are so hard to read no matter how old you are and how much practice you have.
For me, Facebook recently took on a new dimension when an old high school friend announced the death of her brother. Things suddenly got serious. Facebook life and real life merged. But I quickly saw how it can be a forum to communicate and connect about hard things as well - like the CarePages/Caring Bridge web pages have been for several families in my community dealing with cancer. This person mentioned that it seemed like a really personal thing to put on Facebook, but said she didn't have the internal resources to answer individual calls and emails. Maybe this was a wonderful compromise in an impossible situation.
Who knows?! See ya on FB. But quit throwing snowballs at me.
UPDATE: I'm not the only one wondering about "unfriending"!
It's a whole new twist on human intimacy. You can share everyday tidbits with a hundred of your closest friends, near and far. People make announcements of big life events, travel, sharing photos of thier kids, relationships... In fact, it seems to have created a whole new ritual around defining relationship. You know a relationship isn't official until your your status says so, and you know it is REALLY over when you change back to "single". (Unfortunately, one of my recent brief relationships never seemed to recover after I tried to show my growing affection by playfully suggesting I change my status to "in a relationship" - apparently he wasn't ready for that kind of virtual commitment!)
My younger "friends" are fun to watch. So much of their daily life is logged... music, plans, friends, health, hilarious videos of nothing and everything. Although some of them really have 500 friends?! Lately, even my 130 seems like a lot to manage, and I'm wondering how awful of a Facebook faux pas it would be to "un-friend" a few people I don't know that well, who I don't need to hear about ALL the time.
Is this really the future of social interaction? Short, sweet, no need for get-to-know-you small talk or conversation filler niceties. It's easy to just make a funny comment about someone's "status" and leave the communication at that. And I feel happy and connected. (Am I shallow?!) For someone who lost touch with a lot of people because I had such a hard time initiating contact with friends when I was depressed, this is a wonderful way to reach out.
But what happens when this is a primary form of communication for kids who then don't have as much of a chance to develop face-to-face social skills with their peers? Texting, email, myspace, etc. does not communicate tone - no matter how many emoticons you squeeze in. (:-P) To say nothing of facial expression, body language, energy, the vulnerable experience of saying how you feel with someone right in front of you - things that are so hard to read no matter how old you are and how much practice you have.
For me, Facebook recently took on a new dimension when an old high school friend announced the death of her brother. Things suddenly got serious. Facebook life and real life merged. But I quickly saw how it can be a forum to communicate and connect about hard things as well - like the CarePages/Caring Bridge web pages have been for several families in my community dealing with cancer. This person mentioned that it seemed like a really personal thing to put on Facebook, but said she didn't have the internal resources to answer individual calls and emails. Maybe this was a wonderful compromise in an impossible situation.
Who knows?! See ya on FB. But quit throwing snowballs at me.
UPDATE: I'm not the only one wondering about "unfriending"!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Addicted to Blogging
OK, yes. I started another blog... but just for my TNT training saga, I promise. I'm thinking of ease and sensitivity to potential donors who might want to support my ride but don't need to know all the other gory details of my life. I'm not sure how to manage both. I think I'll just double post the stuff that may be interesting beyond the cycling/training side of things.
Don't worry I think I'll tire out soon. Feel free to tell me when I've gone over the top. Or just find a nice gentleman to distract me for a while.
Don't worry I think I'll tire out soon. Feel free to tell me when I've gone over the top. Or just find a nice gentleman to distract me for a while.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Romantic Comedies Must Die
Remind me when this became my life? (Apparently we're back to that.)
I just watched the Jane Austin Book Club (neither the film nor the book were as fantastic as I hoped - try The Reading Group instead. But anyway...). When they got to the end where the right people finally kiss, I didn't get the heartwarming reaction I usually get in spite of myself. I just wanted to cry. It's a mean trick they play. They suck me into their world where people in relationships are only a fraction of the complicated and guarded mess that they are in real life (myself included). It's not real, but I enter the dangerous territory of wishing it was. And any image of people waking up next to each other makes me ache with longing. Bad combination.
Interestingly, the two most recent inappropriate men both resurfaced briefly last week. Karmic Pop Quiz? I managed to retain my dignity and walk away, although one of them more easily than the other. Luckily, I have good friends to help the "stop it/don't go there" voice be louder than the others for now...
P.S. on 2.13.08: I may not have technically walked away from one of them after all. Somehow I got sucked back in and even ended up asking/daring the football coach to meet for another drink. I was feeling momentarily tough. He doesn't get to flirt with me anymore if he doesn't mean it. Apparently. Luckily, he said he was busy. So I called him a wimp. And so goes the 7th grade banter...
What is wrong with me?! Just walk away, lady. Logic and self-preservation have obviously abandoned me. I blame pheromones.
I just watched the Jane Austin Book Club (neither the film nor the book were as fantastic as I hoped - try The Reading Group instead. But anyway...). When they got to the end where the right people finally kiss, I didn't get the heartwarming reaction I usually get in spite of myself. I just wanted to cry. It's a mean trick they play. They suck me into their world where people in relationships are only a fraction of the complicated and guarded mess that they are in real life (myself included). It's not real, but I enter the dangerous territory of wishing it was. And any image of people waking up next to each other makes me ache with longing. Bad combination.
Interestingly, the two most recent inappropriate men both resurfaced briefly last week. Karmic Pop Quiz? I managed to retain my dignity and walk away, although one of them more easily than the other. Luckily, I have good friends to help the "stop it/don't go there" voice be louder than the others for now...
P.S. on 2.13.08: I may not have technically walked away from one of them after all. Somehow I got sucked back in and even ended up asking/daring the football coach to meet for another drink. I was feeling momentarily tough. He doesn't get to flirt with me anymore if he doesn't mean it. Apparently. Luckily, he said he was busy. So I called him a wimp. And so goes the 7th grade banter...
What is wrong with me?! Just walk away, lady. Logic and self-preservation have obviously abandoned me. I blame pheromones.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Addicted to Britney
hold 
New vice: celebrity gossip. I blame the ladies at school with US Weekly on the faculty lunch table for getting me started. It's always been one of those things I secretly am drawn to but am trying too hard to be above it to admit I enjoy it. Even to myself, much less anyone else. Like General Hospital. And teen TV dramas...
New vice: celebrity gossip. I blame the ladies at school with US Weekly on the faculty lunch table for getting me started. It's always been one of those things I secretly am drawn to but am trying too hard to be above it to admit I enjoy it. Even to myself, much less anyone else. Like General Hospital. And teen TV dramas...I have a newly embraced general interest in most celebrity goings on (except for a particular lack of interest in Jessica Alba), but I have a completely compulsive infatuation with the Britney Drama. I never really thought much about her before, but suddenly I can't get enough. Since the 5150 hold, I can't wait for the daily (always slightly-conflicting) online updates. Train Wreck. Paparazzi stalker becomes new best friend? Wearing her wedding dress? British accent? Who's to say that any of us wouldn't crack under that kind of constant scrutiny. But regardless, I am now one of those horrible people who are feeding the monster. I know this media concocted reality may be far from actual life, and I'm repulsed by my own voyeuristic impulses. But I can't stop...
Perhaps nostalgic for my own not-so-stable times? But come on. Even at my worst, I look sooooo well balanced. I am so desparate to feel normal by comparison? Or just boredom? Escapism. Waiting for life to start back up again. Lapse in after-school activities. Inappropriate men of the moment lost their luster. No others in my sites. Everyone has someone in mind for me; not that that ever goes anywhere. Except our librarian supposedly has a cute nephew...
Monday, December 31, 2007
Binge Knitting
Another way to deal with the holiday blues? Binge. I've certainly gone the chocolate route (more recently it was apple pie, actually), but apparently I've moved on. For some reason, all I want to do is knit hats. Small. Easy. Accomplishable. Useful. The perfect way to cover up not taking a shower on the weekend. Here are the new ones I've cooked up...
And that doesn't count the blue-grey stripe I made for my friend's husband and the one currently on the needles. I'm serious, I can't stop. What deep psychological need is this obsession meeting? At least it makes a good excuse to sit on the couch.
My favorite is the purple stripe with the flower. I figured out how to put in a micro-fleece lining. Super cozy!
Happy New Year! Keep your hat on. (You know you lose 80% of your body heat out the top of your head...)
Happy New Year! Keep your hat on. (You know you lose 80% of your body heat out the top of your head...)
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