Companion

I have a new love in my life! He is kind of high maintenance and a huge commitment, but playful, cuddly, and so handsome.

He's a young golden mix rescued as a stray - with NO training to speak of. So he has some communication, impulse, and abandonment issues. But who am I to judge?!

I had the kids at school suggest names and got a whole bunch of fabulous ideas. Then on one of our first walks together, my "This American Life" podcast mentioned Bacon County, GA named after Senator Augustus Octavius Bacon, and his fate was sealed. So welcome to the family: Agustus Octavius Bing-Crosby Duke Teddy Pineapple Noodle Luke-Skywalker Fredsterly Kozmo Fuzzy-Wuzzy Zonker Coolio Colonel-Smarty-Pants Bob-Barker Lucky Bacon. 

Though we will just call him Gus. Maybe Gus-Gus for short.

...and working on training him to high five.

Must Love Dogs

I have discovered a new potential dating perk that I hadn't given enough attention before... a surrogate dog! I haven't been sure that I'm ready to have my own dog, but it turns out I am definitely ready to date a guy with a dog. The Banker's shepherd mix has been the center of many of our favorite activities: walks around the lake, dinners al fresco, hikes in the mountains, trips to the dog park, etc. At just under 50 lbs, she's the perfect size for active adventures, but doesn't take up too much room in my small house. Though I've been careful not to take things too fast with the boy, I have to fight off the impulse to dive right in with the dog. I find myself daydreaming about picking her up and taking her for a run or just hanging out playing fetch while I garden. I freely admit to him that I might be dating him just for his dog. Luckily, he thinks this is funny.

Seeing a dog-owner life up close has got me thinking... and longing. I recently fell instantly, madly, in love with my uncle's new golden retriever, Rosie. And my latent dream of having a golden has been reignited, especially if I can find a small, very sweet young one to rescue. (Let me know if you know of one who needs a home!)

I'm sitting with the idea to make sure I'm really ready. Funny how I sometimes complain about being left behind while everyone else gets married, buys houses, has babies, etc... yet I keep hesitating to even make a canine commitment.

But perhaps it's time to trade some freedom for a little more love in my life.

Love Him, Love His Snakes?

I would like to put on the record, how incredibly open-minded I am in my dating life. Just in case anyone is tempted to call me too picky or compare me to Goldilocks. I say this because it turns out that other than being nice to grandpas, playing bass, hiking/hugging trees, writing a novel, making me howl with laughter, playing with his amazing dog, etc... the Banker has another little hobby. To which I believe I am being incredibly tolerant, open-minded, and generous.

It turns out he has snakes. Small harmless ones, but slithery little snakes nonetheless.

I have to say he played this one well. He made sure I was pretty well won over by his charming personality and appreciated his many other interests and talents before he broke the news. And he prefaced the announcement with a set-up that I was sure was going to end with "...but we're separated" and/or "she isn't even sure I'm the father". So snakes were actually almost a comical relief.

In an incredibly nerdy kind of way, it is kind of cool. Apparently he has bred and sold them pretty successfully. I appreciate his enthusiasm for the natural world and it's creatures, and I admire his entrepreneurial spirit. But snakes?!

Luckily, he gets that people think it's unusual at best (his own mother calls them "the f***ing snakes"). He assured me that they are actually on the way out, even before I gently made it clear that I, and most women I know, would probably have an very hard time ever spending the night in the same house with his little friends. Not that I'd ever want to ask someone to give up something they love, especially so early in a relationship. But I'm just saying...

25 Things

There's a chain-letter like activity spreading like crazy through Facebook called "25 Random Things About Me". When someone sends it to you, you write a list of 25 random facts, habits, or goals about yourself. Then you send it to 25 friends, including the person who sent it you. It's a big online "get to know you" game.

Unlike many other viral fads, most people are actually doing it. Something about the format and the popularity make it worth the effort. I think we want to share ourselves. And there is beauty in the mundane details. Every list I've read has something delightfully surprising about the person and something that makes me feel a little less alone in my "hidden" foibles and neuroses. Here's my 25:

1. My greatest fear is going crazy/losing my mind/losing touch with reality. I honestly worry about it happening to me. And then I panic that I might really make it happen by worrying about it too much...

2. I’ve kept a list of favorite kids’ names since I was 12 (even through my phase when I wasn't sure I wanted kids), but I've started using them on pets (and cars) just in case I never get to use them on kids.

3. I am at my most content on the way back down a mountain with a happy dog at my side.

4. I have always wanted to be a foster parent.

5. I don’t think I like my cats (Oliver and Violet) as much as I should. I take their rejection personally.

6. I take everything personally. Or at least I used to.

7. I hate talking on the phone; I rarely answer it and often don’t call people back (please don't take it personally!).

8. I love Facebook because I can communicate with lots of wonderful people without the pressure of having to actually talk to them. And I love blogging because I can pour my heart out without the immediate risk of judgment or rejection. Yes, I hide behind technology. But I used to just hide, so I see this as major progress.

9. I really enjoy picking my nose.

10. I’ve watched General Hospital on and off for about 15 years, at times taping it daily.

11. I love to sing Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now” to my cabins/tents of kids at lights out, but I’m always terrified when I start it. Then they always love it (or at least don’t complain) which gives me faith in sharing your heart.

12. My favorite movie is easily Dirty Dancing. But one of my other favorites, the Philadelphia Story, is the one I usually claim in public.

13. I think there’s nothing in the world like someone sticking up for you.

14. I am often simultaneously confident that I know everything and convinced that I am completely wrong about everything.

15. I usually cry whenever I see someone else tear up. But I often have trouble crying when I am upset.

16. I'll drink champagne for any reason from celebration to misery.

17. My glory days seem to have been breaking summer swim league records as an 8 & under and starring in my middle school musicals. Oh, and winning Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie tickets in a hula-hoop contest at a St. Bridget’s dance in 6th grade - that was rad.

18. What I want to “do” with my life changes weekly, sometimes daily. Currently rotating between school counselor (again), art teacher, and interior designer. Or dream job: children's book author/illustrator.

19. I am very grateful that I love my current job so I have some time to maybe figure out what's next.

20. I wish people would ask me more questions, especially about the challenging things in my past.

21. I’ve been in love 3 times. And still love each of them.

22. I’ve never broken a bone or had a cavity (yet).

23. I’ve always wanted glasses for their fun fashion accessory potential.

24. I am afraid of the dark, and I have to sleep with a light on in the hall.

25. I am a often paralyzed by perfectionism (and typed this list in Word first).

Go ahead, make your own list... everyone is doing it!

Rug Pulled Out

My landlord is selling my house. My beautiful little house in the trees. With the secret staircase to the studio/sewing room. And the tool bench. And the Catrium. (I can't bare the loss this means for the kitties.) My beautiful little house close enough to ride my bike to work on sunny days and walk to the Farmers Market. The little house that I rent for way less than should be possible. The little house that made me feel like I had room to breathe.

And the news came at a particularly bad moment when I was already teetering on the edge of losing it, mourning other loss and disappointment.

Suddenly, all I see is injustice. There is no way I can ever find anything comparable in the same price-range. At least nothing I'd want to live in. I'll end up in a dark cramped basement. My cats will hate me even more than they already do. And all my work on my budget will be blown. I won't have enough to live on. I'll plunge back into debt. I will never get ahead. And why me? I don't want to have to pack up my entire house and move right now! Why do I even try? Or so the Chicken Little in my head tells me.

After a generous amount of denial, tears, and wishing reality was different, the news is settling in. I am adjusting. I have at least two months. More if it doesn't sell right away. Maybe it is time for change.

Farewell Catrium...

And then my cat puked on Prague...

My sister's friend cancelled on their day-long scrapbooking event, so I decided to go get crafty, get in some quality sister time, and try to finally catch up on my photos from studying in Berlin (yes, eight years ago). Suggestion for you scrapbookers out there: document your adventures within, say, months afterwards. Not years. I couldn't even remember people's names, much less the significance and fun of all the little things that happened. Luckily, I apparently did a few pages sometime right after the trip, so not all of the original flavor is lost. And it started coming back to me as I worked with it, which is half the fun.

So after eight hours of scrapbooking (yes, eight hours), we finally quit. And when I went home, what did I do? More! Yes, I may have an obsessive personality (it was binge knitting last month, remember). But I love a good project!! Once I get into the creative zone, I don't want to be anywhere else. But eventually it was 2am. So I laid everything out for the last page of the trip and went to bed. When I woke up the next morning, I discovered a strange pile in the middle of Prague... Cat Puke!

First of all, lovely. And second, really?! Of all the places in my house to up-chuck, why on the one set of photos that I don't have the negatives for? Serious anger ensued. I nearly threw my cat right out the front door (he's not an outdoor cat). Then frustration; I spent a good chunk of time wishing that reality was different. Then sadness. Lost evidence of the fabulous, free, time in my life. Loss of the creation supposed to be made on that page.

After a while I came back around. Resigned myself to the fact that this was an unexpected and unforeseeable occurrence. I got a mini-lesson in anger out of it. (I'm not good with anger, whether mine or someone else's; it scares me.) And maybe even an amusing story.

I eventually started to look at what I had left, and get some ideas for how to salvage the page. I borrowed a few images from a book and the Web. It probably turned out better than it would have with my own grey photos.

But don't tell Oliver (the likely suspect). He's still in the dog house.

This is my life?!

Do you ever have those moments when you catch yourself thinking, "Is this really my life right now?" I first started asking this question a moment before I was about to go on stage in front of 400 kids wearing a gift wrap grass skirt to do a synchronized wrapping paper roll twirling number. What grown adult does that - and actually enjoys it?! And who would have guessed that things like this would bring joy and meaning to my life? And who would have thought that this social girl would live alone with two cats at 31? I'm glad I don't have a cookie-cutter life. And I've worked very hard to figure out what kind of life I want to lead. I'm just saying... there are so many surprises.

Things I never thought I'd do:

1. Get a cat.

As a devoted dog lover, I was convinced I couldn't handle the constant aloofness and rejection from cats. Then when I moved into my house, a neighbor kitty walked right in the door and decided to stay. Not one to turn away a lost soul, I bought some cat food, made her a cushy spot to hang out by the window, and we bonded. Unfortunately, her life ended up being very short, and when she was gone I missed the extra energy in the house. So I adopted Oliver George Harrison Kitty. But in my responsible new cat owner research I found most experts say that single cats are more neurotic, and he obviously needed more entertainment than I could provide (the running and attacking of my ankles got old). So I went to visit my friend who was fostering several cats and an elegant black kitty who looked astonishingly like Audrey Hepburn caught my eye. Eventually I brought Holly Golightly (as we called her) home, and she and Oliver hit it off. But she turned out to be more skiddish than I realized, and her name never sat quite right. I didn't think I liked her and even wondered if I should give her away. After much anguish, I found the answer. The name Violet came to me in a moment of brilliance, and I have been slowly falling in love with her every since. Somehow, it makes her cat-y-ness just seem good old-fashioned prim and proper rather than aloof and snobby. What a difference a name makes. Viola. Single woman, two cats. They're cats, but they're my cats.

And yes, I just became one of those people who puts photos of their pets in their blog. You'll get over it.

2. Online dating.

Right when being single at 29 was getting really old, a friend visiting from Chicago described her experience venturing into online dating. It sounded like fun - being forced to express what you are looking for and meeting new people. For some reason, I don't meet a lot of men while working at a grade school and at a non-profit run by women. And I'd dated all of my available male friends... So I went online. What followed was an interesting cast of characters (the REI Guy, the 42 Year Old, the Mountaineering Lawyer, the Fireman, the Genius...)and a series of misadventures (including the infamous high five incident, of course). But that's another story for another time.

3. MySpace, Facebook, IM, and Blogging.

Let's just admit that we mock what we don't know. I was afraid. I didn't understand. But all the cool kids were talking about it. I swear there's a slight technological generation gap between me and people around five years younger. (Although, aren't there Grandmas who blog?) A few of those kind souls walked me through it. And now I can't imagine what I did before I could be instantly connected to the outside world in real time without leaving my couch.

Never say never!