So, I appear to be dating my boyfriend from 7th grade - again. Or finally. [See disclaimer for liberal use of the term "boyfriend" to describe the previous relationship.] However we want to define it... once upon a time, he was a first toe in the water. A boy I really liked in middle school who I "went out with" twice actually, but wasn't ready or able to do much more than giggle and turn red over.
It all started (this time 'round) on Facebook. He followed the link to my blog and emailed me that he didn't think I should go online for dates because it is "weird and unnatural". I thought this was hilarious - that he had the nerve to say that and because it was feeling completely true as I was trying to do it again. I asked if he had any better ideas. Someone mentioned Thai food. One thing led to another...
The whole thing is a little surreal. But definitely good so far. He is comfortably familiar, and yet new and exciting. We seem to speak the same language, and are making up for that lost phone time. And I appear to be getting guitar lessons out of the deal. :)
I am a little cautious about letting this great story of re-meeting overshadow the actual experience of how we relate, like may have happened when I got swept up in the grand beginning of the Trader Joe's/Craigslist experience. But so far, the connection feels rooted in our present adult selves and parallel life experiences (and having fun), not just novelty or nostalgia. Although the nostalgia is fun, too - once I get past the uncomfortable images of hairspray-plastered bangs and Laura Ashley dungarees.
Best of all, it is satisfying to notice the measurable personal progress that I've made... since I no longer giggle uncontrollably whenever he gets close to me. Though he still has the uncanny ability to make me turn bright red...
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
25 Things
There's a chain-letter like activity spreading like crazy through Facebook called "25 Random Things About Me". When someone sends it to you, you write a list of 25 random facts, habits, or goals about yourself. Then you send it to 25 friends, including the person who sent it you. It's a big online "get to know you" game.
Unlike many other viral fads, most people are actually doing it. Something about the format and the popularity make it worth the effort. I think we want to share ourselves. And there is beauty in the mundane details. Every list I've read has something delightfully surprising about the person and something that makes me feel a little less alone in my "hidden" foibles and neuroses. Here's my 25:
1. My greatest fear is going crazy/losing my mind/losing touch with reality. I honestly worry about it happening to me. And then I panic that I might really make it happen by worrying about it too much...
2. I’ve kept a list of favorite kids’ names since I was 12 (even through my phase when I wasn't sure I wanted kids), but I've started using them on pets (and cars) just in case I never get to use them on kids.
3. I am at my most content on the way back down a mountain with a happy dog at my side.
4. I have always wanted to be a foster parent.
5. I don’t think I like my cats (Oliver and Violet) as much as I should. I take their rejection personally.
6. I take everything personally. Or at least I used to.
7. I hate talking on the phone; I rarely answer it and often don’t call people back (please don't take it personally!).
8. I love Facebook because I can communicate with lots of wonderful people without the pressure of having to actually talk to them. And I love blogging because I can pour my heart out without the immediate risk of judgment or rejection. Yes, I hide behind technology. But I used to just hide, so I see this as major progress.
9. I really enjoy picking my nose.
10. I’ve watched General Hospital on and off for about 15 years, at times taping it daily.
11. I love to sing Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now” to my cabins/tents of kids at lights out, but I’m always terrified when I start it. Then they always love it (or at least don’t complain) which gives me faith in sharing your heart.
12. My favorite movie is easily Dirty Dancing. But one of my other favorites, the Philadelphia Story, is the one I usually claim in public.
13. I think there’s nothing in the world like someone sticking up for you.
14. I am often simultaneously confident that I know everything and convinced that I am completely wrong about everything.
15. I usually cry whenever I see someone else tear up. But I often have trouble crying when I am upset.
16. I'll drink champagne for any reason from celebration to misery.
17. My glory days seem to have been breaking summer swim league records as an 8 & under and starring in my middle school musicals. Oh, and winning Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie tickets in a hula-hoop contest at a St. Bridget’s dance in 6th grade - that was rad.
18. What I want to “do” with my life changes weekly, sometimes daily. Currently rotating between school counselor (again), art teacher, and interior designer. Or dream job: children's book author/illustrator.
19. I am very grateful that I love my current job so I have some time to maybe figure out what's next.
20. I wish people would ask me more questions, especially about the challenging things in my past.
21. I’ve been in love 3 times. And still love each of them.
22. I’ve never broken a bone or had a cavity (yet).
23. I’ve always wanted glasses for their fun fashion accessory potential.
24. I am afraid of the dark, and I have to sleep with a light on in the hall.
25. I am a often paralyzed by perfectionism (and typed this list in Word first).
Go ahead, make your own list... everyone is doing it!
Unlike many other viral fads, most people are actually doing it. Something about the format and the popularity make it worth the effort. I think we want to share ourselves. And there is beauty in the mundane details. Every list I've read has something delightfully surprising about the person and something that makes me feel a little less alone in my "hidden" foibles and neuroses. Here's my 25:
1. My greatest fear is going crazy/losing my mind/losing touch with reality. I honestly worry about it happening to me. And then I panic that I might really make it happen by worrying about it too much...
2. I’ve kept a list of favorite kids’ names since I was 12 (even through my phase when I wasn't sure I wanted kids), but I've started using them on pets (and cars) just in case I never get to use them on kids.
3. I am at my most content on the way back down a mountain with a happy dog at my side.
4. I have always wanted to be a foster parent.
5. I don’t think I like my cats (Oliver and Violet) as much as I should. I take their rejection personally.
6. I take everything personally. Or at least I used to.
7. I hate talking on the phone; I rarely answer it and often don’t call people back (please don't take it personally!).
8. I love Facebook because I can communicate with lots of wonderful people without the pressure of having to actually talk to them. And I love blogging because I can pour my heart out without the immediate risk of judgment or rejection. Yes, I hide behind technology. But I used to just hide, so I see this as major progress.
9. I really enjoy picking my nose.
10. I’ve watched General Hospital on and off for about 15 years, at times taping it daily.
11. I love to sing Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now” to my cabins/tents of kids at lights out, but I’m always terrified when I start it. Then they always love it (or at least don’t complain) which gives me faith in sharing your heart.
12. My favorite movie is easily Dirty Dancing. But one of my other favorites, the Philadelphia Story, is the one I usually claim in public.
13. I think there’s nothing in the world like someone sticking up for you.
14. I am often simultaneously confident that I know everything and convinced that I am completely wrong about everything.
15. I usually cry whenever I see someone else tear up. But I often have trouble crying when I am upset.
16. I'll drink champagne for any reason from celebration to misery.
17. My glory days seem to have been breaking summer swim league records as an 8 & under and starring in my middle school musicals. Oh, and winning Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie tickets in a hula-hoop contest at a St. Bridget’s dance in 6th grade - that was rad.
18. What I want to “do” with my life changes weekly, sometimes daily. Currently rotating between school counselor (again), art teacher, and interior designer. Or dream job: children's book author/illustrator.
19. I am very grateful that I love my current job so I have some time to maybe figure out what's next.
20. I wish people would ask me more questions, especially about the challenging things in my past.
21. I’ve been in love 3 times. And still love each of them.
22. I’ve never broken a bone or had a cavity (yet).
23. I’ve always wanted glasses for their fun fashion accessory potential.
24. I am afraid of the dark, and I have to sleep with a light on in the hall.
25. I am a often paralyzed by perfectionism (and typed this list in Word first).
Go ahead, make your own list... everyone is doing it!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Ride Your Bike to Portland
My next "Life List" item is a go. Last summer was the summer of the triathlon, something I had always wanted to do but never thought I could. This summer it is STP! I blame Laura for setting the standard back when we were 14. Finally it's my turn. I signed up for Team in Training, so there's no backin' out now!
STP is one of those things that I keep thinking will happen for me someday. As if life is something that just happens to me. A few years ago I was waiting for another (much more acheivable) event to happen - seeing Dave Matthews at the Gorge - when in a rare moment of clarity, I asked a friend to go, bought tickets online, and voila - dream achieved. And when Dave spontaneously broke into Blackbird the next year, I had one of those rare moments when there was nowhere else in the world I wanted to be.
After that, I looked at these vague ideas of "things I've always wanted to do" little differently, and I started to pull some of them out of idea state into list form:
There is so much we do not have control over in life. But what if we could maximize that which we do have some control over? Who could we be? What could we achieve? (Although, you'd think I'd have gotten to the gnocci by now.)
Next summer? Perhaps Mt Rainier. Because it's just sittin' there waiting. And maybe because my dad always told me it was a giant scoop of ice cream...
STP is one of those things that I keep thinking will happen for me someday. As if life is something that just happens to me. A few years ago I was waiting for another (much more acheivable) event to happen - seeing Dave Matthews at the Gorge - when in a rare moment of clarity, I asked a friend to go, bought tickets online, and voila - dream achieved. And when Dave spontaneously broke into Blackbird the next year, I had one of those rare moments when there was nowhere else in the world I wanted to be.
After that, I looked at these vague ideas of "things I've always wanted to do" little differently, and I started to pull some of them out of idea state into list form:
- See DMB at the Gorge (check)
- Swim across the bay at our cabin (note: Boy Scout Camp on the other side might have something to do with that childhood dream, but check)
- Sew a quilt (with a little help from Mom, but check)
- Knit a sweater (3yr old size, but check)
- Build a bookcase (a garage and one Spring Break later, check)
- Visit Santa Fe (check)
- Triathlon (check, check, and check - warning: some items may become habit forming)
- STP (workin' on it)
- Learn Spanish
- Make gnocci from scratch
- Paint a still life of an eggplant
- Learn to weld
- Fly fish in Montana, hike in Utah Nat'l Parks, surf in Costa Rica, drink wine in Italy... (and a good list of other destination specific adventures)
- Learn to play Blackbird on the guitar (I've always said I could die happy if I could do this, and I'm thinking I should work on it just in case...)
There is so much we do not have control over in life. But what if we could maximize that which we do have some control over? Who could we be? What could we achieve? (Although, you'd think I'd have gotten to the gnocci by now.)
Next summer? Perhaps Mt Rainier. Because it's just sittin' there waiting. And maybe because my dad always told me it was a giant scoop of ice cream...
Saturday, January 5, 2008
White Girl Meets Hip Hop
I went to see a friend of a friend's hip hop group last night. When they started to perform, I couldn't help but giggle that they were white boys from Ballard. But why is that funny? I'm uncomfortable. I feel sorry for them pretending to be something they aren't. They don't fit the urban, oppressed, black hip hop
mold. So their life experience and form of creative expression isn't valid?! But they're good. They are talented, passionate, and look like they are having
a whole lot of fun. Suddenly, I'm jealous because I don't have the guts to break out of my own mold.
I love real hip hop. The rhythm. The energy. The poetry of social justice. (I even love a lot of the crappy grind-up-on-that-... stuff. Don't judge.) But I enjoy it from afar because I feel I don't belong. I'm a white woman from a straight-laced middle class family in North Seattle. Getting dressed for my first exclusively hip hop show (Blue Scholars!) a few weeks ago was stressful. Could I be myself yet still fit in? (I decided a tight fitting hoodie and big hoop earings were the key, btw.) Luckily, it turns out hip hop in Seattle is very diverse. No one cares what you look like - they're too busy enjoying the music. As I should be.
On a continuing quest to chip away at my discomfort with the mystery of racial and cultural difference, I'm reading Black White and Jewish by Rebecca Walker and expecting to learn about a life experience very different from my own. I have; my dad never kept a shotgun by the door in case the Klan came around. But I also read about myself. "Because keeping a part of myself held back is what I've done to cope... opting instead to be partially known, reservedly intimate, I have no idea if I can tolerate what might be a less than accepting response." We have both struggled to untangle pieces of imposed identity while being suspended in the fear of judgement. If we could listen to each other, would we find out that human experience and emotion are universal?
We walk on eggshells when discussing things like race. It's so easy to emotionally trigger someone else without getting the chance to honestly explore what we meant and how it was received. Being familiar with fallout from emotional land mines, my self-preservation instincts tell me to steer clear. But I am no longer comfortable making assumptions about things I have not experienced and don't understand.
I have struggled with identity, perhaps more than many people because of some difficult life circumstances. But I have not struggled with or been made to feel inferior because of my racial identity. I have the luxury of belonging to the comfortable majority. I have recently come to accept that through no fault of my own, I have been led to participate in and benefit from a system of advantage based on race simply by being white in the United States. But now I know. I would be at fault if I continued carelessly from here. So I lean into the fear and try to ask more questions...
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