Thursday, January 22, 2009

Greener Grass Syndrome

When the sky is perpetually gray and the holidays felt like something was missing, I suddenly feel a lot less OK with being where I am in life. Really, single again? Really, still trying to figure out what to do with my life? What is wrong with me? When do I get to be a grown-up?! (In this mood, it does not help that my single thirty-two-year-old self with two cats just moved into my parent's house, whether the parents still live there, or not.)

I hear my little niece once innocently asking, "Where's your family?"

It seems like everyone I know is having babies. Or at least trying. And I am so happy for them. But I also can't help but feel like the train left without me. Not that I'm even ready for all that. But as they enter a different world, there is no way I can completely relate. I'm still trying to imagine what it is like to live with a boy.

And who knows what my life will bring?! Who knows if I'm ever meant to be a mother or even be in just one long-lasting relationship. Who knows how long I will even be around? Maybe this is as good as it gets! Carpe diem!! (A close call with a freak eyebrow plucking tweezers-in-eye incident just gave me renewed appreciation for my sight and health; bear with me.)

On my good days, I'm open to whatever life will bring. I am grateful for my unique path and am happy I still get to look forward to falling in love again. I am confident that I am doing things with my life that uniquely fit my gifts and positively contribute to the world. I am making the most of each effing opportunity for personal growth...

But sometimes, I wonder what it'd be like to be a "normal" thirty-something woman walking around Greenlake complaining about my partner leaving wet towels on the floor and having to religiously monitor my ovulation. As if replacing my issues with a set of more conventional ones might help anything. As if that woman never wonders if she made the right choices and wouldn't trade to be free for a while.

Greener grass syndrome hits again. (I know, I know. Don't compare my insides to others' outsides...)

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Pharmaceutical Haiku

Who gets sick five times in one winter? (And it's only January.) It might have something to do with not actually sleeping. And cold, dark, damp gray days in Seattle. And a little physical manifestation of emotional turbulence.

In the meantime, I have discovered a new way to cope during the thick of it (ew, sorry). I had been operating under the assumption that cold and flu symptoms are your body's way of working out the virus, and the best way to combat these illnesses is to rest and to bombard your system with natural immune boosting things like Vitamin C, zinc, ginger, lots o' water, etc. I thought artificially suppressing your symptoms just prolonged the whole thing. But I have come to the end of my rope and am wearing out the sick days.

I will now share with you my delightful new discovery, which you probably knew about all along (in the form of inverse haiku, if there is such a thing).

Ode to Cold Medicine
I did not know about you.
You pack quite a buzz.
How on earth are you legal?

(If it gets me through my day; I'm not asking too many questions.)

Monday, January 5, 2009

Resolutions

1. Be more of a bitch (less putting everyone's feelings before my own).
2. Be less of a slave to bad habits (take responsibility for my choices).

Doing pretty well on the first one. Sorry, Donald.