Bad Date Hostage

So I did go back online. Briefly. In some ways the diversion did disperse some of my anxious/anticipatory dating energy as I'd hoped, but in other ways, it really did just multiply it. Apparently, there is no cure for dating angst.

The response I got was interesting. I think my sassy lead photo attracted something different. And I had toned down my profile a little, not feeling like I had anything to prove this time around. I got an interesting mix of more artsy guys, rather than just athletic and outdoorsy. But also, apparently I still attract the guys who are just slightly off for some reason or another - which still seems like the majority who have ever contacted me. Lovely.

I agreed to a date with a cute Britpop obsessed hipster who was really engaging over email. As I approached the great little dive bar where we were meeting, I yet again barely survived that excruciatingly painful point just before the threshold of entering a blind date. I bribed/coerced/comforted myself saying, "if nothing else, at least you'll have something to blog about". And I remembered that the anticipation is by far the worst part of any first date (or so I thought).

But you know when you know within the first 2 minutes that this isn't it?! Not even close. Perhaps as a writer, he was better in writing. Nice enough, but speaking a different language in person. Not a kindred spirit after all.

Realizing this, I tried to convince myself that he was still fun and interesting, and I could enjoy his company for an evening. Unfortunately, it became more and more painful as struggled internally with why I couldn't just leave... all while I went on making forced pleasant conversation. (Where is the Sass when I need it?!) Somehow my drink got on his tab, so I felt like I had to ride it out until the natural end. I texted a friend when he went to the bathroom, seriously considering initiating the "call me with an emergency" extraction protocol. But no such luck.

I just didn't have the words to let him down gracefully, especially when I obviously hadn't given him much of a chance. And in the back of my mind, I'm thinking you never know what kind of weirdo he might become when provoked. Or maybe I wasn't willing to make things uncomfortable by doing anything other than what was expected of me. I figured it was much easier to email him later and tell him I'd met someone else. I mean, I'm big on integrity, but isn't that the kind thing to do?

So I was held hostage for two hours by my own niceness (or perhaps cowardice). Then, I made things even worse by agreeing to go out with him again. And somehow I wasn't fast enough to avoid his lips flying at me. Really, he thought we were having that much fun?! Ahhhh!

I did send him a very nice email a few days later. I explained at length that I was sorry for the abrupt change in course, but someone else had shown up who I felt the need to focus on (which lucky for me turned out to actually be true). He replied that he was disappointed, but appreciated my honesty. So my conscience was let off the hook. In the meantime, I swore off online dating forEVER. I'm so glad it works for some people, but I cannot handle any more of it. Dear lord.

If you do choose to bravely enter this dangerous land, here is your only chance for survival: always buy your own drink, pay cash, and have an extraction plan on speed dial!