Grown-up Grammar Lessons

My wonderful elementary school taught many things well... I find I am better than average at making sure a lot is two separate words. I've been known to shun a suitor upon realizing they don't know the difference between your and you're. I can probably even fake my way through who and whom. Unfortunately, the affect vs. effect lesson somehow slipped through the cracks. And now it's driving me crazy, especially since I seem to find it necessary to parade my writing ability (or lack thereof) on the internet.

Sometimes I know what I'm doing. I know about "cause and effect", and facial affect comes up a lot when talking about aspergers and autism. But somewhere around "had little affect" and "was for effect" it gets messy for me. And is it affective or effective? So I did a little research:

"Affect" is usually a verb meaning "to influence".
The drug did not affect the disease.

"Effect" is usually a noun meaning "result".
The drug has many adverse side effects.

"Effect" can also be used as a verb meaning "to bring about".
The present government effected many positive changes. (Ha!)

I tried mentally substituting "result" for effect and "influence" for affect, and I did pretty well when I took a quiz! Let me know if you have any other tricks. If all else fails, I can always walk around reciting, "The arrows affected the aardvark..."

Trying to act like an intelligent and well-educated person all the time can be very tiring. Especially when you already can't do math in your head. (I'm a visual person, OK?! I need to write it down. And maybe use some fingers...) If I hadn't miraculously come out at the top of my all male college Calculus II class including one former boyfriend and one mad crush, I might be worried.