Sushi For One

Yet again, my favorite sushi place managed to make me feel like an inadequate single person three separate times during the process of ordering and picking up my take-out. Is it really that unusual that I'm single at my age? Or is it just considerate business practice for them to assume there are at least two people eating? I didn't even order enough food for two people. (Did they forget to tell me the rule that you aren't allowed to eat take-out alone?)

Their insensitivity propelled me into an examination of what my life must look like to outside observers. Luckily, I caught a glimpse of my sticker-covered Nalgene water bottle in the back seat as I got back into my Subaru, and I was reassured that the obviously outdoorsy/independent part of me probably looks relatively strong and capable enough to the outside world.

I am pretty confident that I will be in relationship(s) again and that there are plenty of big things on the horizon of my life. And I usually genuinely appreciate that I am on my own unique path, and am grateful for the time to figure out who I am and what I want before I have to do that taking a significant other or children into account. But why do let their assumptions about what my life should look like (and how many chopsticks I should need) make me feel lacking in the meantime?!

I've also played the outside observer game for my own life while working on my scrapbook again, walking page by page through my bumpy past. As I'm reliving the late 90s/early 2000's, I am amazed to see my own smiling face in so many photos. I think of those years as having been really hard. Lost years where I was desperately trying to get my feet down underneath myself and glad to have lived through them. (And I have to fight the discomfort of how heavy I look to get myself to revisit them). So why does all the evidence show me smiling? A lot of the photos include my niece and nephew, and I am most often genuinely happy in their presence. But it's never that simple. Why not document and memorialize all of the important, good and bad, amongst the smiles. I'm not sure how to do it, but I'm ready to explore the possibilities.

And I'll try not to be offended when they try to sell me two cups of Miso soup even after I clearly say "one".